You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
