I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
