Will you blow on my dice?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
