were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
