You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
