We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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