Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
