I think I won the penis lottery.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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