Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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