you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
