watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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