Dual....:-)
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
