The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
