There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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