Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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