i think i have herpe
just one?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
