i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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