i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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