its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
