i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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