I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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