at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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