is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Randomize
