Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
