i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
