How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
