im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
