You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
