i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
