He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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