He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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