you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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