cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
