Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
