like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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