I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
