What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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