but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
