Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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