I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
