Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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