I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
