giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
