Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Come see our sink grown plant.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
