her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
