well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
