Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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