i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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