Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
