Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You're like the curious george of whores
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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