Christians are straight up FREAKS
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
