btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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