dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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