so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
