THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
