Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
