I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
