so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
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