We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize