Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
