You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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