I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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