True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
