no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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