She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i wish my penis had a tongue
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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