I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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