No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
