So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
