Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
