just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
