Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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