Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
